WordWorship

It is at least thousand times a day I think about all the things we could have done differently. All around me, I see things or measures we didn't take, the small little measures that could have made a difference. Maybe, if I had talked like this or you ad handled it like that, the outcome would ave been something else altogether. But I know it is pointless. The water's under the bridge now. However, it is still a storm for me. A storm that threatens to whirl up my world and tear my life apart. I wait for the storm to subside and, if not subside, at least, weaken in its intensity. There are times of complete lucidity with everything fine. At times, whole days pass like that. But then it all comes hurtling down and I realise that it has gone silent but was gaining in power. There are so many things that could have happened, many more that should have happened. And I know that thinking cant change anything. It will only end up giving me more regrets like such a small thing ...

And today, I once again told myself - it's gonna be ok. Someday, sometime, it will - maybe it's time to give time some time and test how good a healer it is. This is precisely the reason why I decided to stop using words like soon, tomorrow, etc etc etc. Because in this case, tomorrow will come. And by the looks of it, it will be as miserable and as hopeless as today was. So why put an expectation on it?  I know i know I know. there are many out there who would say that I am being cynical and, in some weird way, am putting an expectation on tomorrow - albeit of a different kind. The kind in which it will be bad and hopeless and miserable. But I think am just being realistic. Don't they say that Rome wasn't built in a day? This too is like that. To have a better, less painful day tomorrow, at least something from today should have gone into it. If today the pain was 100, tomorrow I can expect it to be 99. But what if today also, it has an infinite value? What is infi...

What do you expect when you pick up a book by an author whose name is enough to cause waves? An author whose writings are said to have transcended times, races and generations? What would a book contain that has been called "The greatest novel in any language of the last fifty years" by none other than Salman Rushdie himself?

It had disgusted me right from the moment it had started. I had never felt so used or, according to me, even abused before. It was like am no better than a commodity or maybe an animal, decked up, displayed and ready to be sent off to the highest bidder. How do we buy cattle? The owner puts up a board saying he is ready to sell. Then comes the first round of perusal, see if it meets our requirements. If it does, we go to the store to get a first hand look and feel of it. All things set, start the price negotiations. And once it is ours, we scream our throats hoarse trying to get others' attention towards our newest trophy.  Well, this is how I view my marriage.

(P.S. --  This piece was written when I had put an image of a burning bridge as my dp on gtalk) I have seen many people not able to understand my profile pic (I had put it as my gtalk display pic too). Well, its that of a burning bridge. A burning bridge. I know it's quite weird to have that for your profile image, especially for the fact that your profile image says volumes about all the different facets of yours - your mood, your temperament, your outlook, etc. etc. etc. Well.... the same can be said about my profile image too. For me, it epitomises a lot of how we go about our lives. Bridges are mostly burned by plundering armies as they advance so as to cut out all routes of escape and/or by fleeing thousands as they try to delay those following them. But basically both of them do the same thing - burn bridges, cut communication, cripple the other side. And all that is left, of a thriving place once, are the remnants in form of ashes and ruins. I think this is how w...